Weeks 50 & 51.5 – I’m sick y’all

I had started to write this potentially penultimate blog a week or so ago. I wanted to look back at the progress I’ve made, the speed at which I can potentially move at and arrive at a really smug predicted finishing time for myself. Alongside this I was going to present the predicted times, canvassed surreptitiously over the last week, for the other participants and use the opportunity to be mean about them. The update was roughly half-written when I was struck down by a massively karmic, and potentially lethal, dose of man-flu. I always get ill towards the end of the school year – the kids seem riddled with more germs than ever and my resistance is weakened on account of being really bloody tired – but this year’s attack of the sniffles is the worst I’ve had in a long time. For the past four days, I’ve been full of snot, coughing and wheezing and generally feeling rubbish.

I fly out to Frankfurt tomorrow and my cold doesn’t seem to be going anywhere which, when you think about it, is a tiny bit shit. In my original blog, I looked at my pace in training sessions, translated those over into the race and then added a bit on for fatigue/the inevitable toilet stop/transition and arrived at a potential 10hr48 (1hr10swim, 5hr30bike, 4hr run). For a fat man on his first attempt, that’s fast. It would have required me to be on top form and for my bike to have no mechanical problems, but it was possible. Now, I’m not so sure – still feeling like crap and with no energy, or motivation to do anything, I think going under 11 hours is too much to ask. I’m still going to race, and I’m fit enough to finish under the 15hour cut off (if only to avoid having to return all of the sponsorship cash – only £100 to go if you’re interested www.justgiving.com/fatdanironman, thank you to everyone who’s donated so far), but aside from that I’m not sure I can predict a time as I have no idea how my body is going to react. Not the most interesting thing I’ve ever written, but there you go.

As for the others, if I’m not predicting for myself, then it would be remiss of me to offer my opinions on them. I don’t think it would be fair for me to pencil Ben in for his 9.58, Darryl for 10.45, Todd for his 9.45 or Wayne for his 9.57. So I won’t.

It must also be pointed out that I’m not the only one feeling like this. I flew home from the Nam with Wayne and, last I heard, he was even more beset with summer cold than me. He’s also taking it less philosophically so, in an effort to cheer him up, I’m going to share the feedback I’ve had from one particular colleague about the upcoming event:

Need to some help for next week’s blog, any chance you can give me your answers to these.


describe him in one word: unhinged

how would you describe his attitude towards training: sporadic, problematic and unconventional

strongest/weakest discipline: strongest = run; weakest = total lack of discipline when it comes to red wine…and breakfast time…

predicted finishing time: 9:56



describe him in one word: cyborg-like

how would you describe his attitude towards training: robotic

strongest/weakest discipline: strongest = totally void of emotion; weakest = totally devoid of emotion

predicted finishing time: 9:51



describe him in one word: opinionated

how would you describe his attitude towards training: whatever Ben’s back wheel is doing

strongest/weakest discipline: strongest = sledging whilst drinking; weakest = not drinking

predicted finishing time: 10:44


I refuse to say who it was that could actually be bothered to respond to my email, but I think you’ll agree that Damo has pretty much nailed them.

That’s it. Off to bed, airport in the morning.

Training totals:

Weeks 50 and 51 have been so haphazard and full of sickness that I refuse to log anything I’ve done. Apart from three hours of swimming. And about 5 hours on the bike. I’ll have those.


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